Get kinky with your partner and try something new and exciting to spice up your sex life!
Many couples want to start exploring BDSM, but two main reasons usually stand in the way, first of all you don’t want to risk hurting one another, and secondly it may be embarrassing to discuss it with your partner for fear of rejection. If you are new to the fetish scene, there are good reasons to hesitate, maybe go too far too fast, or not get the right message over to your partner, resulting in hurting one another or damaging the relationship.
But couples who are new to BDSM have so much to gain by exploring new parts of their sexuality together. Here’s a beginner’s guide for anyone new to BDSM who is ready to jump in! You can also watch our video tutorials on a variety of subject ranging from mild bondage, to severe CP. If you have any questions, you can get personalized sex advice on our website from ask Annie
What is BDSM? Depending on who you ask. The most common and broad definition of the letters BDSM is Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. It is a broad term that includes a wide range of very erotic activities that consenting adults use to explore their sexuality together. It can be as simple as light bondage or an erotic spanking or as advanced as suspension bondage and caning.
If you want to explore BDSM for the first time? follow these 10 Simple Steps:
1. Explore your fantasies, and your desires.
Fantasies belong in your erotic imagination and can be powerful fuel for your sexual arousal. In fantasies, there are no limitations and no consequences. A desire is a craving for a real life experience. Know the difference and let your fantasies run wild while being realistic about what you really desire in your sex life. Check out The Fantasy Method for an interactive guide to exploring your fantasies and naming authentic desires.
2. Get clear about what kind of erotic energy you want to explore.
To simplify the roles of dominance one of you become the dominant partner and the other becomes the submissive partner and there is a erotic power exchange between the two.In today’s society the presence of the Dominatrix plays an important role in acting out the fantasies of most men into BDSM
Once you have a sense of what your real desires are, be clear with your partner about what kind of erotic energy you want create. Erotic energy is the motivation and intent behind any sexual act. A simple kiss, for example, can be romantic or rough, depending on the energy you bring to it. When you start exploring more intense sexual acts like spanking or bondage, you have to be crystal clear about what kind of erotic energy you want to experience. An erotic spanking can be tender and sweet, or dominating and raunchy. If you just ask your partner to spank you, you may not get what you want. Once you get specific on how exactly you would like them to spank you in great detail, you can both relax into your roles and are far more likely to have the sexual experience you are craving for!
4.Explore new ideas with your partner.
Before you begin, go on a date and have a long talk about what you want to experience together. Allow this conversation to be part of the foreplay. Ask a lot of detailed questions and be willing to speak honestly about what you desire, what you do, and do not want to happen, and what kind of sensations you want to experience. If you can’t have an honest conversation about something, you probably aren’t ready to try it out! Once you’ve explored in conversation, you’ll have a much easier time giving one another what you want and avoiding what might hurt one another.
4. Choose one adventure at a time.
Many people who are new to BDSM make the mistake of trying out a lot of new and different things at once. This makes it hard to figure out what you exactly like and what you don’t. Try incorporating one new element at a time, so you can be very clear about what worked and what didn’t. For example, try a simple erotic spanking first. If you like it, you can add in light bondage. Or verbal discipline. Or orgasm control. Each element will add a new layer of excitement and risk, so try one at a time and build your future erotic adventures out of the elements you enjoyed each time!
5. Set clear boundaries.
It is essential to set clear boundaries each time you explore BDSM together. Introduce a safe word. You both need to know what will happen and what will not happen. It is much easier to relax into new sensations and surrender if you aren’t worried about what will be coming next. So if you are trying out an erotic spanking, make sure to be clear what other activities you are open to: do you want sexual stimulation before, during, or after? Is hair pulling ok? Is there anything you want to be called? What do you not want to hear as you are being spanked? Set clear boundaries and then stick to them. You can always renegotiate for the next time you plan to play. Build trust by staying within you’re agreed upon boundaries every time.
6 Take it easy.
There is always the temptation to try very heavy sensation with your first experience of BDSM. It is recommended you build up intensity slowly and there is way less of a chance that you will hurt your partner. No matter what activity you are exploring, slow the pace way down and pay attention every step of the way. Watch the body language of your partner you will be able to tell in no time at all what’s getting them excited and what isn’t. It is far better to end a session wanting more than do too much too quickly. If you are unsure about how much intensity your partner wants, use a scale like 1-20, one being “very gentle” and twenty being, “easy on girl!” At any point, you can quickly check in and find out if your spanks are feeling like a three or a fifteen. Over time, you will both be able to communicate accurately to the needs of your partner much more clearly.
7. talking after your session.
After your BDSM experience take some time to talk with one another about how your session went. Sometimes it makes sense to check in a few hours after, other times it can wait until the next day. Be sure to ask the most obvious question: “What could have made it even better?” This question is important as it allows you to have more satisfying sex every time. Tell each other how you enjoyed the session and talk with each other with regard to the expectations of needs and desires ironing out any dislikes at the same time to ensure a more satisfying exchanges next time!
8. Watch and learn.
it can be very enlightening to attend a BDSM conference or play party and simply watch other people play. You’ll get your mind blown open to the possibilities and if you pay attention to what turns you on, you can learn a lot about yourself. Many BDSM conferences have workshops where you can learn new skills in a safe environment.
9. Open your mind.
Explore slowly at first, but keep your options open. A lot of BDSM activities look way more intense than they feel. CP can look very painful but is regarded a s one of the biggest turn on’s, many people get extremely turned on from experiencing a heavy caning or paddling for example.
10. Enjoy the experience of BDSM.
It is easy to get carried away when you are new to the scene. But remember it as a long-term exploration of your sexuality and desires and enjoy each step of the way. Sexuality is a fluid force in our lives: we need different things at different phases and the process of discovering yourself as a sexual being never ends! Especially in long term relationships, the spirit of curiosity and exploration can go a long way towards keeping your sex life exciting and fulfilling.
We have a variety of video tutorials on many subjects of BDSM with new updates every week , by everyday people, and experienced mistresses alike including webinars on more specific subjects like, tantric fetish games, ball Busting, nipple torture, and wax play.
You may have experience in a certain subject that you would like to share with our visitors, send us your clips or videos we will sell them for you or why not have your very own page and spank your partner live on webcam to show how you go about it in your relationship, you will be surprised how many people want to watch it.